Help me "get" Twitter

I want to tweet.  I really do.  I've even already had a Twitter account for over a year now.  I check in semi-regularly to read up on all the cool and interesting folks I follow -- book folk, mostly -- all people I'd like to get to know better, and cyber-befriend, and you know... 'network' with.  But when it comes to posting or commenting or whatever, I can't quite bring myself to dive in.  Forgive the nerdy sci-fi analogy, but to me, Twitter is like this heavily populated, alien planet, and I'm trying to land a shuttle there.  The problem is the world's so busy, and spinning so quickly, every time I try to penetrate the atmosphere, I skive off and carom back into space.

I should really say this: I'm interested in the people I follow as people, not just networking opportunities.  I'm a friendly guy.  I dig rapport in all its myriad, wondrous forms.  And if it helps make connections in the publishing industry, so much the better -- book folk tend to be interesting as hell.  I would like to advance my writing career as well, and these days, every article on the subject recommends social networking.  Specifically blogs, Facebook, and Twitter.  And as near as I can tell, the real party is on Twitter.

Therefore, I too, would like to partake of the party.

Here are my primary tweeting deterrents:

  1. It seems like most Tweeters are checking in multiple times every day.  Don't know if I can commit to that.  I've got way too much non-internet life going on, know what I mean?  Writing itself is a big time-sacrifice.
  2. Even if I made the time to faithfully tweet, what could I possibly contribute?  I come up with a Facebook status like once a week.  And you know my track record with this blog.  I can comment like hell on other people's posts when I feel like it, but when it comes to originating anything, well... I don't want to be like the guy who's tweets I was reading a few days ago -- #1, I want a cheeseburger -- #2, I'm in a drivethru getting a cheeseburger -- #3, this cheeseburger sucks -- #4, I hate the place that made this cheeseburger and we should all boycott them and put them out of business.  
  3. Most of the book folk I follow devote many of their tweets to promoting their projects: releases and appearances and reviews and things.  I have none of that.  Which leaves me feeling distinctly unqualified to commiserate.  Like in middle school when all the other kids had their pumped-up kicks (props if you get that reference).  It really does seem like a lunch table, and all I have to bring to it is the fact that I still write, even after many years of many unpublished books.  I maybe shouldn't try to shoulder my way into a seat, you know?
  4. The final reason I'm reluctant to tweet -- "Author platform".  What the hell is that, anyway?  Isn't it supposed to be where you connect with potential readers?  How much does that really happen on Twitter?  Realistically, how many readers get on Twitter to follow writers they haven't read and haven't heard of?  Someone please explain how that's supposed to work, because I'm obviously missing that angle.  And really, I shouldn't tweet if I don't understand what I'm doing.  What if I do it wrong?  What if my shuttle's thrusters accidentally spark a fire in the Twitter-planet's atmosphere and it sweeps through the domain and slays all the inhabitants?  I'd just feel bad, you know?  All my Twitter friends would just be gone.

So there it is.  'Ray's musings on all things Twitter-related'.  The reason I wrote this post, and not an update of my various writing projects (as was promised last week) is because I really want to get into it, but I need some guidance first.  Anyone out there have any advice for me?  Can you answer any of questions?  Placate any of my insecurities?  I'd sure appreciate it.  Disclaimer-wise, in case you caught any anti-Twitter sentiment up there, you should know that I have nothing against it.  In fact, I have a sort of a sick, stalker-ish fascination for it.  I'm just a little skeptical as to whether or not Twitter is appropriate for me, or for my 'author platform'.  Whatever that is.

Your thoughts on that?

(and, um... hashtags?)
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