What you see here is one of my big excuses for only being on page 91 of my latest manuscript -- I have a second job.
In January I started teaching a surgical technology lab at Baker College, and these here are my splenderific students. Shout out to Christine, Lisa, Shawn and Rhonda. And no that's not my hand wrapped around Shawn's waist. It's Pat's. Pat the surgical mannequin. (Shout out to Pat).
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And now the real reason updating so quickly (because for me, seventeen days is practically back-to-back): I was given a tag/award thing. By the charismatic writer/poet/music nut, Kelley Pollark. In her own words, I was given this award "because I'd like him to post more."
So thank you very much, Ms. Kelly, and here is the post you wanted:
The rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link them.
2. Add the award to your blog.
3. Tell six outrageous lies about yourself and one truth.
4. Nominate six creative liars ... I mean, writers and link them.
5. Let your nominees know they've been nominated. 
And now the real reason updating so quickly (because for me, seventeen days is practically back-to-back): I was given a tag/award thing. By the charismatic writer/poet/music nut, Kelley Pollark. In her own words, I was given this award "because I'd like him to post more."So thank you very much, Ms. Kelly, and here is the post you wanted:
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The rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link them.
2. Add the award to your blog.
3. Tell six outrageous lies about yourself and one truth.
4. Nominate six creative liars ... I mean, writers and link them.
5. Let your nominees know they've been nominated.
Note: I'm breaking the rules a little bit, though. To make it more challenging for the people who really know me, every single one of these things is more or less true. Only of them is completely true. It's okay if I do that, right Kelly? Cuz if I don't mix it with the truth, my wife and my mom will see right through the lies and ruin the fun for everybody else like they've ruined my street cred.
Anyway.
Anyway.
1.) I was injured in the Gulf War by my own gun, the M249 "SAW". Yeah... I tried to disassemble it with the charging handle cocked (which coils up a massive spring), and when I removed the stock, the steel firing pin blasted out at me, slammed into my mouth, broke two of my teeth, and ricocheted off into the desert. My company commander misunderstood my explanation of the events leading to the injury and talked about nominating me for a Purple Heart.
2.) I've been literally knocked unconscious twice. Once by wrassling with my older cousin, and once by walking into the roof of a porch that had been built by two short guys. . . my father-in-law and his brother.
3.) After the third consecutive morning of waking up in the woods with spider bites on my lips, I was told by an Army medic that there must be some chemical in my saliva that tastes especially good to arachnids.
4.) This one time in surgery, I got a bloody scalpel imbedded about three inches in my forearm. The nurse made a sick-looking face, wriggled it out, and we all kept working until the procedure was finished. I bled inside my sleeve for twenty-five minutes.
5.) Most people won't understand this, but it's actually fairly difficult to lift the body of a deceased patient onto the tray in the bottom drawer of the morgue cooler. They always end up cock-eyed and crooked, and it's a real problem. . . good thing I know a trick. You get down like a runner in starting blocks, and then you slam that sucker shut. Hard! The body kind of rolls up on its side, then flop back down perfectly centered in the stainless steel tray. Works every time.
6.) My most recent job-related injury occurred while I was retracting a rather large vagina so a surgeon could suture in a bladder sling. He got a little sloppy while he was sewing, and sunk that freaking suture needle deep into the web of my thumb. I was like, "Ouch!... Dude, how could you miss that vagina? -- It's huge!"
7.) My ultimate dream is to learn to play the bouhrain, bouzouki, and penny whistle, and live in a castle tower with Guinness on tap and robot servants made up to look like chessmen who can pour the Guinness and bring it to me. (I would say, 'pour black-and-tans', but that's just a little too unrealistic.)
2.) I've been literally knocked unconscious twice. Once by wrassling with my older cousin, and once by walking into the roof of a porch that had been built by two short guys. . . my father-in-law and his brother.
3.) After the third consecutive morning of waking up in the woods with spider bites on my lips, I was told by an Army medic that there must be some chemical in my saliva that tastes especially good to arachnids.
4.) This one time in surgery, I got a bloody scalpel imbedded about three inches in my forearm. The nurse made a sick-looking face, wriggled it out, and we all kept working until the procedure was finished. I bled inside my sleeve for twenty-five minutes.
5.) Most people won't understand this, but it's actually fairly difficult to lift the body of a deceased patient onto the tray in the bottom drawer of the morgue cooler. They always end up cock-eyed and crooked, and it's a real problem. . . good thing I know a trick. You get down like a runner in starting blocks, and then you slam that sucker shut. Hard! The body kind of rolls up on its side, then flop back down perfectly centered in the stainless steel tray. Works every time.
6.) My most recent job-related injury occurred while I was retracting a rather large vagina so a surgeon could suture in a bladder sling. He got a little sloppy while he was sewing, and sunk that freaking suture needle deep into the web of my thumb. I was like, "Ouch!... Dude, how could you miss that vagina? -- It's huge!"
7.) My ultimate dream is to learn to play the bouhrain, bouzouki, and penny whistle, and live in a castle tower with Guinness on tap and robot servants made up to look like chessmen who can pour the Guinness and bring it to me. (I would say, 'pour black-and-tans', but that's just a little too unrealistic.)
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I am giving this award to: Bryan Bliss, Vivi Alden, Mary Paddock, Madison, Mercedes, and K.M. Walton.
To these guys, and to Kelly, and to everybody else reading this: thanks for being true blogger buddies and checking in on me when I don't update, and coming back for those rare times that I do.