0 Please help your lame writing friend

I'm about to write this scene where two cousins are playing some rough basketball and trash-talking and whatnot, but it turns out I'm like fifteen percent too lame to do this scene with any authority. So I did what all homely, frightened little writers do when they write about things they're too timid to experience. I researched it.

According to Wikipedia:

Trash-talk is a form of boast or insult commonly heard in competitive situations (such as sports events). It is often used to intimidate the opposition, but can also be used in a humorous spirit. Trash-talk is often characterized by hyperbolic, figurative language, e.g., "Your team can't run! You run like honey on ice!" Puns and other wordplay are commonly used.

"Ah," I said to myself, "hyperbole -- an effective literary device. . . and yet, I'm not all that keen on the hip vernacular the kids are using these days."

So then I researched examples of trash-talking.

I'm posting some of the highlights here, but please be aware -- these are not simply for entertainment purposes. I'm also wanting to know if any of these insults are overused or cliche' or even just plain not as funny as I think they are. So read on, and if you have any good (and fairly original) insults to add, pass them along. As always, I will steal them and hog all credit.


"You're so ugly, your birth certificate is an apology letter."

"Let's play horse -- I'll be the front end, you be yourself."

"You're so dumb, they fired you from the M&M factory for throwing out all the 'W's."

"You're so dirty, whenever you take a shower you lose weight."

"All that hot air pouring out of your face is causing global warming."

"Could you breathe the other way? You're bleaching my hair."